Psalm 34:4“Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law! I have chosen faithfulness; I set your rules before me. I cling to your testimonies, O Lord; let me not be put to shame! I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!” Psalms 119:29-32
Two days ago my son dawned the cap and gown for the first time for senior pictures.
I still see him at three on the drive way of our first little house jumping up with his hand over his head reaching for the stars trying to grab ahold of them like they were lightning bugs.
All the things I have kept pondered in my heart have brought about so much emotion. It’s a mother’s plight. I’m sure after I post this, I’ll receive many sentiments on this being a rite of passage.
Here’s the deal though…
I know there is a future ahead. There will be joys and there will be disappointments, celebrations and sufferings. That is just life.
But here I sit praying that he’s been praying the verses above from Psalms. I desperately want these things for both my children. To know God in such a way that they cling to him with his testimonies written across their hearts. Seeking his wisdom and obeying his commandments because their love for him expands their hearts. I don’t just desire this for them, I desire them to desire it.
Of course, I dream other things for them, as well, like college, God loving spouses, family and careers that they will enjoy. These are great things that I yearn for my children to have, but what happens when they yearn for something that is different from my dreams?
I stop to listen to my son’s dreams. Dreams that are still reaching for the stars like when he was three. Dreams I yearn for him to dream. As I listen, I tense because some are different than the dreams I have for him. I stop to wonder, “Is this ok? Are we both praying asking for direction? Could God give us different answers?”
I cry out, “God, I don’t understand. I do want what you want. I just may need your help getting me there.”
God, always seems to say, “Trust me, Kysia. I’ve got this.”
Sometimes I handle my concerns by taking them to God first. Other times – like today, I panic first, stir up some trouble and then take it to God all messy. He seems to take them either way, but the first always works better.
That is the real issue I guess I’m having. Which way will my son choose? Will he choose either?
The hardest part about where my son stands right this moment isn’t what I’m praying over him; I will continue to pray over him. The hardest part is waiting. Watching to see if he will take the reins that hold his future and then choose to surrender them into the hands of his Savior daily.
Waiting…and then stepping back having faith that God desires what is truly best for my son, as I too trust and surrender daily.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” – Psalm 34:4